Experts Say Body Language, Stress Main Cuplrits For Rising Divorce Rates

October 3, 2007 10:48 a.m. EST

Toronto, Ontario (AHN) - Recent studies show that roughly 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce. More than half of married men and married women engage in extramarital sex at some time during their relationship. Experts say it is not a loss of passion, caring or love that is causing these numbers but rather mistaken identity.

Self-mastery expert Patricia Wall says, "Couples often mistakenly identify the root cause of what is troubling their relationships, and sadly -- and quite pointlessly -- that sends couples into a tailspin from which it's very hard to recover." Unfortunately, the end result is frequently divorce.

Although the first tangible symptom of a failing marriage is the loss of sexual activity, that loss is most often due to stress and not a loss of passion or love for the spouse, explains Wall.

"Many marriages could be saved if people understood the true cause of their problems," Wall says. "In today's world that root cause is often stress."

Stress affects body chemistry, which changes the subliminal signals spouses are giving to each other. Instead of subliminal signals of attraction and desire, the signals become aggressive, or withdrawn -- cutting off the couple's ability to connect.

Body language experts say stress taints ordinary conversation with hostility and emotional distance that destroys desire and arousal. "In the simplest language," Wall observes, "women can't sense sexual interest, and men can't sense caring, when they are stressed."

Body chemistry triggers instincts, damaging interactions at a level the couple is not even aware of, Wall says. "To their conscious awareness it may look like being too busy, or too tired, or just irritable, but their primitive brain has a different perception that is damaging their marriage," she adds.

Surveys show that most people involved in failing relationships believe they have fallen out of love with their spouse, or their spouse no longer loves them or finds them desirable. Relationship experts say this is a common misconception -- and a damaging one.

"Broken emotional intimacy destroys physical intimacy," explains Wall. She goes on to say, "Life is stressful, plain and simple. That stress drains your emotional energy so you're not connecting with your spouse -- and believe it or not, sex stems from connecting emotionally. Men always have trouble believing that. But it's true for guys, too."